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A love story – Religion, Communication, Expectations & Embracing

by Kiran on November 9, 2011 · 22 comments

in Asides

This post is a continuance of Part 1 & Part 2.

It might sound somewhat, preachy, but just go with it ;)

Inter-faith marriages are as common as having cellphone these days. Important decisions aren’t only made pre-marriage, but continued alliance through post marriage can make or break team effort towards achieving a healthy and wonderful marital bliss.

I feel like a Love Guru – not the movie character. That surely creeps me out!

Religion

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We both don’t consider ourselves to be religious in any form whatsoever. But we share, respect and surely have took interest in getting to know more about our different religion backgrounds.

I’ve learnt that by learning the religion of my spouse, I’ve gained more insights and have been appreciative of his ways of life. There was never a need for conversion between us two (Hindu’s and Sikhism doesn’t force conversion), which itself is a blessing in disguise.

That being said, we had a lot of conversations before marriage just to be sure none of us felt trap in any way whatsoever.

Communication

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Interfaith marriages can be tough if distinct differences aren’t identified sooner through communication. Like any normal relationship, communication is the key to successful and peaceful union. We find it difficult at first to highlight certain points of differences between our backgrounds, ways of life and culture.

But once the pandora box was opened, we felt it was time to sit down and have a deeper and mature communication when were we thinking of planning our future and life together (cue, Tarun proposing me for marriage).

The key is COMMUNICATION. Not later, or tomorrow. Do it now, when you are in the stage of planning your future lives.

Expectations

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While we are on the “communication” subject, its best to discuss what expectations you both have, from each other, in this union. Some example:

  • We both have mutual expectation on respecting each other’s religious beliefs.
  • I was raised pretty much non-traditional, so Tarun’s expectation from me was to be able to adjust (to a certain degree) to his families way of life. Which I am okay with, provided I get more love from everyone in return :)
  • I am a career focused individual and that should not be a problem after marriage. Even though, evidently, I am still enjoying the “home maker” status.
  • The possibility of more discussion on how we raise our children – if and when we conceive.

Embracing

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I just wanted get this off my chest – I’ve never came across one relationship that is as PERFECT as a fairy-tale. Not one.

That being said, are you ready to embrace some personal point of views based on my observation on our personal interfaith marriage experience?

  1. Understand that having mature communication is a crucial foundation for a strong marriage.
  2. Its OK to be angry. But don’t fuel your anger or frustration by choosing not to discuss how you feel. COMMUNICATE.
  3. Understanding, respecting and appreciating your individual point of views.
  4. Accepting each other’s religious beliefs can move mountains. Remember, accepting doesn’t translate to conversion.
  5. To avoid nasty surprises post marriage, know what to expect through communication.
  6. Remember, one-sided compromise doesn’t work.
  7. Involve the parents from Day 1.  It does not only brings wisdom to the table, but encourage parents to accept your partner. Again, parent’s involvement are limited only in the “pre-marriage” stage. Continue making mature decisions on your own, post marriage.
  8. Plan your life & goals TOGETHER. There’s nothing worst than having post-marriage argument about holiday planning, family commitments, having children, raising children with or without religion, etc.
  9. Its totally OK to have a court marriage and a  reception thereafter. No one would judge you. At least, not us ;)
  10. Finally, Have a Happy & Blessed Inter-Faith Marriage and Blissful Life!
In an interfaith marriage, the key to survival is tolerance and acceptance of each other’s religious rituals and traditions. - Dr. Simmi Waraich

That’s it! The finale of our love story installment – we sincerely hope you’ve enjoyed reading our journey :)

Are you in an inter-faith marriage? If yes or otherwise, what are your secrets towards a happy and blissful married life?
 
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This is our personal story. In no way we are endorsing that internet love is the safest and works for everyone. It worked for me and Tarun but we took precautionary steps to ensure each of us were not caught up in the moment. I took my mom and sister on our first date. Call me a freak, but I’d rather be safe than sorry.

I’ve heard and read many horror stories about blind dates that I can’t bring myself from repeating it over the blog. It’s just sad that many people take personal safety for granted. Wake up people!!!

{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }

1 sm November 9, 2011 at 12:47 PM

excellent read
communication, trust, openness, honesty everything is important
sm recently posted..Understanding Food Preservation

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2 Kiran November 16, 2011 at 7:26 PM

SM,
Thank you! Glad you enjoyed this article :)

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3 sujatha sathya November 9, 2011 at 10:15 PM

very well written & so relevant
the first 2 pics were so apt for the subject of the post
nodded to a lot of what you wrote here & felt this will really help people who are on the verge of making similar long-term decisions
smiled when i read you took your sis & mom along for the 1st date :)
sujatha sathya recently posted..Stage Fear

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4 Kiran November 16, 2011 at 7:28 PM

Sujatha,
Thank you dear – I am glad these experiences are shared and people can learn a thing or two before making decisions. Not that we were PROs or anything. Just wanted to shed some light on this pretty heavy issue :)

Yeah, mom and sis was there to protect me. Very important on a 1st blind date ;)

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5 Destination Infinity November 10, 2011 at 2:07 AM

In a Intra community marriage, a lot of things are already similar – like food habits, growth, expectations etc. So, it might make things slightly easier. In an Inter community marriage, one gets a lot of exposure about other habits/ followings, etc. So, people might become more appreciative of other traditions/ customs.

Destination Infinity
Destination Infinity recently posted..How to irritate your friend using a cell phone?

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6 Kiran November 16, 2011 at 7:35 PM

DI,
Ditto about being appreciative of other traditions/customs. But it might be complicated when kids are involved. Especially when the question of how to raise a child, in which religion/traditions etc. Without confusions, of course. Don’t want to confuse the heck out of a small child, right? There’s so many decisions and only time will tell how all this would play out in others.

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7 Priyanka November 10, 2011 at 9:42 PM

Thank you so much Kiran for sharing your story with us and in turn also putting a lot of good thoughts into words.

My marriage is love and arranged. We knew each other as kids, fell in love and parents decided to marry us, even before we reached that stage. However, we are two different people and that was more recognizable when I lived with him. I’d just repeat, communication is the key to a good relationship!
Priyanka recently posted..Food network in my kitchen

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8 Kiran November 16, 2011 at 7:47 PM

Priyanka,
You are welcome, honey – so glad this post has me connected to many like us (including you) out there, trying to make the most out of our personal experiences. If you need to talk, do let me know. I am all ears my dear friend :)

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9 Aakash @ Love poems November 11, 2011 at 11:26 AM

Beautiful post. Yes, there isn’t a single relationship which is perfect. Every relationship has its own ups and downs and of course, communication is the key to a strong relationship. We have to accommodate ourselves a bit. If there’s a mutual understanding, I don’t think caste should affect any relationship.
Aakash @ Love poems recently posted..Never leave me alone

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10 Kiran November 16, 2011 at 10:44 PM

Aakash,
DITTO :D

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11 Kristen - Anywhere There's An Airport November 12, 2011 at 4:00 AM

Great post! Mixing religions is like mixing cultures. It really is all about communication and respect. But first communication. Which, thank god, gets better with time. :)
Kristen – Anywhere There’s An Airport recently posted..A long London weekend: short story #2

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12 Kiran November 16, 2011 at 10:47 PM

Kristen,
Thanks a lot honey – hope you are well settled in your new life now. Send our regards to the Spainard :)

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13 Ameena November 12, 2011 at 10:06 PM

Great post…I’m so glad that you and your hubby have never had any problem getting past your difference in religion. I know that can be so difficult for some couples!

I agree with Kristen … communication does get so much better and easier with time.

Hope you are having a fantastic weekend Kiran!

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14 Kiran November 16, 2011 at 10:48 PM

Ameena,
Thank you so much for your friendship and support, which indeed makes life so much more happier :)

We had a fantastic weekend, unfortunately that enthusiasm led to Tarun being “under the weather”. Crossing fingers he gets better soon!

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15 Gayatri November 15, 2011 at 5:06 PM

Great post Kiran. I enjoyed reading about your love story. I have nothing to add because mine isn’t an inter faith marriage. But like I’ve said earlier, my friend’s is and they’ve both embraced each other’s cultures completely.

Either way, inter faith or not, communication, understanding & acceptance form the basis of any good relationship :)
Gayatri recently posted..To Pop or Not

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16 Kiran November 28, 2011 at 10:55 PM

Gayatri,
Thanks a lot – I wish there were more stories for us to look for inspiration when we were so naive, trying to make our own decisions. But glad everything turned out to be good! :)

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17 carolinaheartstrings November 15, 2011 at 8:54 PM

Great post. Thank you!
carolinaheartstrings recently posted..LEGACY COOKBOOK

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18 Kiran November 28, 2011 at 10:55 PM

CHS,
Thanks a lot dear! Glad you are liking this series :)

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19 Rajendra Raikwar December 7, 2011 at 6:33 AM
20 Tanvi December 26, 2011 at 11:25 PM

I love reading about your love story … though I have nothing to add … but I totally agree. i think communication is vital in every marriage.

Though something I wish my husband wld just read my mind and I wld have to spell it out :P …hehe

♡ from © tanvii.com
Tanvi recently posted..Mix & Match (XIII) & Happy Holidays!

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21 Interfaith Shaadi January 14, 2012 at 12:50 PM

Excellent point and very nicely laid down. Congratulations!!
You have made an excellent point of communication – - – not tomorrow but NOW.
Many youths put issues under the rug hoping it will die down later. Pre-marital problems generally grow into “Hindenburg class disasters” after marriage. For this reason, we have establish a new web site http://www.Interfaithshaadi.org to help make an “informed” decision.
Kiran and Tarun, we hope to work with you! Best wishes.

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22 Reema March 5, 2012 at 10:05 AM

Communication, understanding and mutual respect are so very important for a marriage! nice post!
Reema recently posted..Bangalore Chronicle

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