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A love story – love or arranged marriage?

by Kiran on August 12, 2011 · 27 comments

in Asides

This post is a continuance of Part 1 – yeah, we did elope!

Many parents in our neck of woods tend to be over-protective of their children. Having a boy/girlfriend is a huge deal and often not encouraged. There could be many reasons for their over-protectiveness:

  • Difference in caste, religion, educational background etc
  • Doubtful of children’s decision making capabilities
  • Earning capacity – whether the partner chosen is well settled
  • The union is unacceptable by society


In our situation, not only I had a boyfriend, but I married my sweetheart without daddy’s blessing. The nerve, right? So, we went ahead and got married in a civil court. The date was April 24th, 2006. Amazingly I had my mom, close family and friends with us to celebrate. Till date, I feel a pang of guilt for not having him with us that day, celebrating the most happiest day of our life.

Source

Daddy knows how good and polite the Husband is to everyone but he still couldn’t get past the fact that Tarun is a Hindu. This all sounds too much of an orthodox way of life, but it is very much still in practice in our families. As a child, we agree to everything our parents decide for us. But as we mature, like it or not, we take our own decisions. That being said, parent’s are at NO FAULT whatsoever to behave as such.

Separation & guilt

This was just the beginning of guilt and sadness. The realization that I would not only abandon my parent’s love, comfort home nest and live with my husband, but I was also leaving behind my legacy, families and friends that I wasn’t prepared to live without. After serving a short notice, I left my successful job in preparation to join the Husand in the USA. That might sound exciting at first, but nonetheless, it was gut-wrenching pain for me.

But I was scheduled to board a plane and fly thousands of miles away from home-sweet-home, where I truly belong. Boy oh boy, did we literally broke many hearts. But life has to move on and this is what “kismet” is all about.

We chose to build our life together, and that meant SACRIFICE. Mom & Dad, if you Google hindu-punjabi marriage, there would be tons of people like us – happily married, including Dr. Sanjay Gupta :)

Source

Here are a couple of things I did to ensure this situation was handled with minimum impact to my relationship with dad and the family:

Honesty is the best policy

There’s nothing worse than confronting your desire to marry someone that is against the family’s wish. Be truthful in speaking and reasoning with whatever bullet points you have about loving your partner. And remember, reasoning is always positive. Arguments only makes matter worse (read this Daddy!) ;)

Plan a family date night out

This might look weird, but totally worth trying. Take your parents out for dinner with your partner in crime. During this opportune moment, allow them to get to know one another better.

Listen

You might not like what parents have to say in regards to this fragile situation. Take the high road, and listen to them. Listening doesn’t mean you are agreeing to them. It only means you respect their opinion and chose to listen to their reasoning.

Bring in his parents!

Well, this was a step my Daddy was not prepared for at that time. But it’s a great way to introduce parents from each sides, knowing not only my side is emotionally affected with this decision, but also his. Daddy, you weren’t the only one to disapprove!

 

To be continued…

 

This is our personal story. In no way we are endorsing that internet love is the safest and works for everyone. It worked for me and Tarun but we took precautionary steps to ensure each of us were not caught up in the moment. I took my mom and sister on our first date. Call me a freak, but I’d rather be safe than sorry.

I’ve heard and read many horror stories about blind dates that I can’t bring myself from repeating it over the blog. It’s just sad that many people take personal safety for granted. And oh, there’s such thing asInternet Love Scam“. Wake up people!!!

Have you been on a blind date before? Any personal advice you want to share? Are you in a love or arranged marriage?

{ 27 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Katy Widrick August 12, 2011 at 11:23 AM

Wow…I didn’t know any of this! Thanks for sharing it with us…it’s a great window into your unique and loving relationship!

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2 Kiran August 26, 2011 at 12:26 PM

Katy,
I’d told you, but its a long story and I am so glad to share it here on the blog. BTW, green card thingy looks promising. Crossing my fingers and toes :D

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3 Destination Infinity August 12, 2011 at 11:42 AM

There are reasons why parents do what they do – some of them are even selfish. But then, we are indebted to them for bringing us up – aren’t we?

Destination Infinity

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4 Kiran August 26, 2011 at 12:28 PM

DI,
Most parent’s are just looking out for the welfare and well-being of their children. And there is nothing wrong with that. I’d rather have a set of parent’s that CARES and PROTECTIVE, than neglecting their children :)

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5 Sunil Deepak August 13, 2011 at 12:00 AM

While reading about your father, I was remembering my own reaction as an elder brother long long time back .. in our life, if only we could go back and undo the things we did! Fortunately, we do learn from our mistakes .. :)

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6 Kiran August 26, 2011 at 12:57 PM

Sunil,
Thanks for sharing your personal experience and opinions. There is nothing wrong or right when it comes to dealing this emotional and fragile issue with your loved ones. It’s a fine line between acceptance, authoritative or leniency about the relationship. As per your comment, we DO LEARN from our mistakes and hope everything works out eventually :)

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7 Carolina HeartStrings August 14, 2011 at 2:03 PM

Thanks for sharing. Can’t wait to read more. And your tips are great!

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8 Kiran August 26, 2011 at 1:05 PM

CHS,
Thanks a lot for reading dear :)

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9 Mark August 15, 2011 at 10:44 PM

i LOVE this story! =) plz post another soon!
Mark recently posted..Olive Garden Coupons

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10 Tanvi August 16, 2011 at 12:43 AM

This sounds interesting … and your have GUTS!!! … waiting to read the rest!

♡ from © tanvii.com

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11 Kiran August 26, 2011 at 1:05 PM

Tanvi,
You are awesome honey, thanks for the encouragements :)

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12 Kankana August 16, 2011 at 4:57 PM

wow wow wow! Sahi hai .. liked the first part .. absolutely enjoyed the second part and now waiting for the third :)
Kankana recently posted..Thandai – Spicy Almond Milk

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13 Kiran August 26, 2011 at 1:08 PM

Kankana,
Thanks for the encouragement dear. It was an emotional and rather a very difficult post to write. But I am all about being totally fair to my readers by sharing personal glimpses into our lives. Hopefully these tips would help any couple who plans to “elope”. Not to encourage, just knowledge sharing and some tips to ponder before taking this route :)

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14 Sakhi August 19, 2011 at 7:05 AM

this is sweet (absolutely) but i still have my reservations for online love stories…

will wait for the next part :)

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15 Kiran August 26, 2011 at 1:40 PM

Sakhi,
Thank you. I can understand and relate to your reservations for online love stories. Till date, It is still unbelievable that we actually experienced it. I know, what was I thinking, right? Guess, love is blind and deaf at times ;)

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16 Sakhi August 27, 2011 at 1:42 PM

I am glad that you are happy and you being deaf and dumb (of course by being in love) has paid :)

glad for you :)
Sakhi recently posted..My travel companions :)

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17 Kiran September 2, 2011 at 10:12 AM

Sakhi,
Thanks dear, and we are glad everything has worked out for the best for us both :)

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18 Holli August 19, 2011 at 3:32 PM

I’m glad you’re sharing your beautiful story with us…. thank you!
Holli recently posted..31/52 Project

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19 Kiran August 26, 2011 at 1:43 PM

Holli,
You are welcome honey – and I am glad y’all are reading our love story :)

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20 Gayatri August 30, 2011 at 2:40 PM

I had an arranged marriage! So no drama there. But I’m thoroughly enjoying reading your marriage posts!

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21 Kiran September 2, 2011 at 10:32 AM

Gayatri,
I would love to read an arranged marriage story for a change. We should compare notes :D I am glad you are enjoying our marriage stories.

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22 Lana September 6, 2011 at 2:19 PM

Kiran, your story is so similar to ours, differences in culture, angry fathers, and even online romance! I am so glad it worked out for you (it did for me, too, and my father loves my husband now!)
As a parent, I understand our fathers, and I regret some things I had said:(
Thanks for sharing your story (and yes, i also know the word “kismet” – we use it a lot, as this part of Europe was under the Turkish Ottoman rule foe centuries)!
Lana recently posted..The Center of the Universe

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23 Kiran September 7, 2011 at 8:49 AM

Lana,
I am so glad many shared similar love story as ours. Happy ending is always the icing on a cake :)

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24 Gurtej Singh Oberoi September 8, 2011 at 4:23 PM

Now that’s what I call, an amazing Love story :) I went through the first and second part and it’s just so clear and refreshing. Being an Indian I realize how difficult it would have been for you to go through all this but you managed it with perfection. You are lucky to have found your Soul mate. Hope I will find mine someday ;) Wish you a very happy and wonderful life ahead….

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25 Kiran September 13, 2011 at 1:57 PM

Gurtej Singh Oberoi,
Welcome to Chatterbox and thanks for those lovely words of compliments. It surely made my day to read about how my posts has some connection with every one else’s life stories :) My blessings are always with you and hope you would find your soul mate, soon :)

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26 Faiza Brunner November 7, 2011 at 7:58 AM

Hey there! I enjoyed going through your blog and wow, don’t we have a similar story to share. Am also a Malaysian at heart and had a intercultural and inter religious marriage and we are happily settled in Switzerland where Alex is originally from. Though, Alex amd I met first in Bali and then kept in touch through the internet. The rest as they say is history!
Faiza Brunner recently posted..Autumn in Lake Como

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27 Kiran November 9, 2011 at 11:39 AM

Faiza,
Welcome to Chatterbox and thanks for the lovely comments :) I am so glad me and Tarun share similar love story and adventures with so many people from around the world!

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