Site Meter

Posts by author:

Kiran

After months of silence, what do you write when you have nothing to say? Days and activities have been pretty mundane. But I’ll have to get myself out of this “rut”. This writer’s block we are all too familiar with. This mentality of not having time doing what you love doing.

Got to start somewhere, right?
So let me tell you about my day. I am at work, pacing between my laptop, the coffee machine, conference calls and meetings for next week’s agenda.

At the back of my mind, I am planning dinner. Tarun will be back tonight from his work trip to Dallas. I told him about the broken AC. We just replaced the washer and dryer, and the AC finally gave up on us too. Our weekend is going to be pretty hectic fixing everything that’s not working.

Fun.

On a much realistic fun note, the in laws are here. And their 50th marriage anniversary is looming away. Lots to plan and do, but I don’t know where the starting point will be.

So tell me, what happened today?

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

….. with losses.

It’s been more than a year, yet the pain is very fresh. Very real. Very raw.

Sleepless nights, frequently garnished with dreams. A lot of vivid dreams. And when I’m left completely alone, or the thought of being alone, I spiral out of control.

I fall into a deep and dark place. Depression creeps in slowly.

Emotions goes out of whack and sadness looms without any notice. I’m easily agitated, angered and function with zero patience.

The only way to deal with it all is weeping uncontrollably. I wept a lot, all the time. Slowly but surely, realization kicks in — I needed therapy for depression.

Everyone deals with grieves differently. For me, realizing I have issues was the first step. Getting help was next, and it’s terrifying.

There’s this social stigma in our society for seeking help in the “mental” department. And sharing it over here on the blog, is definitely going to shock many in my social circle.

But let me tell you one thing — I’m depressed, and there’s a difference between being depressed and CRAZY.

Depression is not okay and anyone seeking help should be uplifted and not questioned.

Grief never goes away. It lessens with time, but never completely heals. So, please spare me with all the BS about pain going away with time.

The only thing that would really help me right now is HONESTY and HUGS. A ton of it.

And if you are grieving, don’t be alone. Seek hugs from your loved ones, and realize that it’s completely OKAY to see a therapist. You are not a nut case, neither am I. We just need to be well.

I need to be better for me. For my family. For him.

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

We cannot thank you all enough for all the concerning emails and messages via social media all throughout this year. Never expected so much concern and love from our online friends.

…….

2016 has proven to be a very tough year for me and my family. One week after ushering new year, we got a call that changed our lives, forever. A very tragic and horrific call.

I was getting ready for bed and the Husband was still busy with some office work when a call came in. He rushed to me and cautioned me to sit down and be strong.

Immediately I could sense something was very wrong. I questioned him about the call and is everyone back home okay. He shook his head and uttered the worse nightmare.

His sister and brother in law was found, murdered. 

I couldn’t believe what I was told. I remember going into some form of a shock and told the husband to speak to other members of the family to confirm, because this was simply untrue.

My husband at that time was surprisingly calm. And that concerned me. I had to dust myself off from this shock and immediately went into a survival mode because I knew he would need me now, more than ever.

We sat and cried together what seemed like for hours, in the midst of making travel arrangements. Both, shocked and still reeling from a huge loss, we made our way to the airport.

His sister and brother in law was found, murdered. 

After nine months, this sentence still haunts me. The inevitability of their passing will continue to haunt us.

Death is inevitable. We all are destined to go, one day.

But…..

Losing two loved ones so tragically, especially knowing that they were angelic, is something so difficult to fathom. They lived life for others and knowing that their lives were ended so horrifically, hollowed us out completely.

Most days were spent on bed, lack of food, energy and willingness to survive. Days are spent questioning, why? Why them of all the people?

Why were their lives ended so violently?

No answers. We are enveloped with silence and questions.

I won’t delve into specifics of the crime since it’s still under investigation. And frankly, what’s there to talk about when they are never going to come back?

Time has stood still for us. I’m depressed most of the time, stopped meeting anyone, refuse to trust anybody… basically, I’ve stopped living my life. Getting back into a routine seems impossible. Writing has never been this tough before.

Crawling up into bed, sobbing my heart out? That’s easier.

Blogging, socializing, photography — everything was thrown out of the door. With the support from the family, we are gradually getting back into everything we once loved doing. And just then, as if the grieve wasn’t enough, I woke up one day to the news of my friends’ tragic passing. I begin questioning my faith and beliefs. I begin questioning the existence of God.

Worst of all, I lost trust in humanity.

It used to trouble me how some people cope with loss or tragedies thrown into their lives. And when it was our turn, there aren’t any words to describe what we all went through and how these tragedies will continue to affect us all.

You both are gone, but will remain forever…  we can never move on.

Tell your loved ones how much you love them, hug all of them tighter, hold every one closer and most importantly, don’t trust anyone so easily.

Trust me, the world can be a nasty place.

…….

How do we grieve?

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

… who’s there?

Kiran.

Kiran, who?

The one who abandoned this personal space of mine for a very long time — more than 2 years to be exact.

Yikes!

But I’m back. Slowly easing into updating this personal space. But on the food front, I’ve been pretty busy and regular. So, if you love food as much or more, you can drool here where I’ve been betraying my personal chit-chats for delicious recipes, regularly.

And if you are still here, waiting patiently all years time for my personal updates, I OWE YOU A HUGE HUG! There is no excuse for not updating a space where I’ve loved sharing with you all. We’ve traveled so much ever since the last post on New York City, and I’ll be updating it all very soon.

We’ve shed so much tears, happiness, anxieties, anxiousness, laughter…etc… So many emotions since my last update.

Once again, thanks for your support, encouraging emails and thoughtful comments. Apart from our regular updates, what type of posts are you interested in? Let me know if you have any specific idea.

Happy 2015 and cheers to more blogging this year 😉

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

An important PSA:

The devastation of Hurricane Sandy is still fresh in mind. There’s still no electricity, food, fuel for many. And for some, lost of loved ones and homes.

As a community, we have to come together during thick and thin. This is where, every small contribution would be a step towards rebuilding lives once again.

Visit my food-blog for all the details on how a small donation can make a difference in lives impacted by Sandy.

[click to continue…]

{ Comments on this entry are closed }