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How do we grieve?

by Kiran on September 28, 2016 · 2 comments

in Asides, Loss

We cannot thank you all enough for all the concerning emails and messages via social media all throughout this year. Never expected so much concern and love from our online friends.


2016 has proven to be a very tough year for me and my family. One week after ushering new year, we got a call that changed our lives, forever. A very tragic and horrific call.

I was getting ready for bed and the Husband was still busy with some office work when a call came in. He rushed to me and cautioned me to sit down and be strong.

Immediately I could sense something was very wrong. I questioned him about the call and is everyone back home okay. He shook his head and uttered the worse nightmare.

His sister and brother in law was found, murdered. 

I couldn’t believe what I was told. I remember going into some form of a shock and told the husband to speak to other members of the family to confirm, because this was simply untrue.

My husband at that time was surprisingly calm. And that concerned me. I had to dust myself off from this shock and immediately went into a survival mode because I knew he would need me now, more than ever.

We sat and cried together what seemed like for hours, in the midst of making travel arrangements. Both, shocked and still reeling from a huge loss, we made our way to the airport.

His sister and brother in law was found, murdered. 

After nine months, this sentence still haunts me. The inevitability of their passing will continue to haunt us.

Death is inevitable. We all are destined to go, one day.


Losing two loved ones so tragically, especially knowing that they were angelic, is something so difficult to fathom. They lived life for others and knowing that their lives were ended so horrifically, hollowed us out completely.

Most days were spent on bed, lack of food, energy and willingness to survive. Days are spent questioning, why? Why them of all the people?

Why were their lives ended so violently?

No answers. We are enveloped with silence and questions.

I won’t delve into specifics of the crime since it’s still under investigation. And frankly, what’s there to talk about when they are never going to come back?

Time has stood still for us. I’m depressed most of the time, stopped meeting anyone, refuse to trust anybody… basically, I’ve stopped living my life. Getting back into a routine seems impossible. Writing has never been this tough before.

Crawling up into bed, sobbing my heart out? That’s easier.

Blogging, socializing, photography — everything was thrown out of the door. With the support from the family, we are gradually getting back into everything we once loved doing. And just then, as if the grieve wasn’t enough, I woke up one day to the news of my friends’ tragic passing. I begin questioning my faith and beliefs. I begin questioning the existence of God.

Worst of all, I lost trust in humanity.

It used to trouble me how some people cope with loss or tragedies thrown into their lives. And when it was our turn, there aren’t any words to describe what we all went through and how these tragedies will continue to affect us all.

You both are gone, but will remain forever…  we can never move on.

Tell your loved ones how much you love them, hug all of them tighter, hold every one closer and most importantly, don’t trust anyone so easily.

Trust me, the world can be a nasty place.


How do we grieve?


1 B October 12, 2016 at 5:33 PM

Please know how deeply sorry I am for your loss. You have brought so much enjoyment and mystery into my life, and I thank you! Twice something very unplanned for and un- understood happened within my life. I read a book by a Rabbi titled “When bad things happen to good people.” What I got from it was, “and G- d cries too.” May you find strength in your family ..and in love.

2 B October 12, 2016 at 6:01 PM

Look to the eternal “IS’. Look to the light that will forever exist within us..and w ill exist forever. Meditate , Love and Appreciate. BE. They are not gone, they were always here, they will always BE, they are within you. May peace find you and embrace you.

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